Alanis Morissette / Flavors of Entanglement (Deluxe Edition) / 2008
Not As We
fragile, anxious, tentatively hopeful
A raw account of the disorientation that follows the end of a relationship or identity-defining partnership, tracking the narrator's attempt to reconstruct a self that no longer has a 'we' to lean on. The song stays almost entirely in a state of shaky, in-progress becoming rather than resolution.
identity dissolution and rebuilding fear and vulnerability separation from a partner or former self fake-it-till-you-make-it coping spiritual uncertainty
Who's speaking
First-person, addressed inwardly to herself rather than to a specific other; the 'we' that has ended is implied rather than depicted, making the speaker sound disoriented and only partially reliable about her own progress.
What happens
The song opens with a birth-like image of being thrust into unfamiliar territory, then moves through repeated attempts to restart—counting off 'day one' and 'step one' like a recovery mantra. Each verse adds a new texture of fear (shakiness, timidity, tears) while the refrain insists on faking competence until it becomes real. By the final verse the address shifts briefly toward a higher power, asking to lose a bet with fate, before the song loops back to the same refrain, suggesting the process of rebuilding is ongoing rather than completed.
How it's built
Built on a simple, cyclical verse-refrain pattern with almost no bridge or resolution; the refrain repeats nearly verbatim each time, reinforcing the stuck-in-process feeling. The music (not analyzed here) would likely mirror this repetition, but lyrically the structure itself performs the theme: circling back to 'day one' each time rather than advancing linearly.
Section by section
Opening verse
The birth imagery here isn't triumphant — it's disoriented and involuntary, positioning the speaker as someone thrust into a new state rather than choosing it. The unsteady diction (unsure, unconvincing) sets the tone of a self still finding its footing.disoriented.beginning of song.
Craft
- birth metaphor
- The opening imagery of being reborn and shivering on new terrain frames the aftermath of the breakup as a literal new life, emphasizing helplessness and rawness.
- anaphora
- The repeated 'day one' and 'step one' phrasing across each refrain enacts the compulsive restarting the lyric describes, turning repetition into a structural echo of relapse and retry.
- rhetorical question
- The recurring question about being 'I' rather than 'we' punctuates each refrain, keeping the central uncertainty unresolved and forcing the listener to sit with the ambiguity alongside the narrator.
- apostrophe
- The brief address to God in the final verse widens the scope from personal to existential, asking not for comfort but for a kind of concession from fate.
Reading it
The most persuasive reading is that this is a song about the disorientation of individuation after a long partnership or codependent identity — the 'we' collapsing into an uncertain 'I.' The faking-it refrain suggests the self is performed before it's fully felt, a common experience in early stages of personal reinvention. An alternative reading treats this more broadly as any process of starting over after trauma or loss, not necessarily romantic — the ambiguity of 'we' could refer to a band, family, or collective identity as easily as a lover.
Context
Flavors of Entanglement (2008) was written in the wake of Morissette's broken engagement, and several songs on the album deal directly with that rupture. Without confirmed statements from her about this specific track, it's reasonable but not certain to read it as part of that same emotional arc, given its explicit focus on separating an 'I' from a 'we.'
Listen for
- the way the refrain's phrasing barely changes between verses, mirroring emotional stasis
- the shift from physical fear-based imagery to spiritual address in the final verse
- the tension between claiming to 'start over' and the repeated confession of barely making sense
- how the word 'faking' is used almost as self-encouragement rather than shame
About Alanis Morissette
Alanis Nadine Morissette is a Canadian and American singer-songwriter and record producer. Regarded as the "Queen of Alt-Rock Angst", she became a cultural phenomenon in the 1990s, gaining international fame for her emotive mezzo-soprano voice and confessional songwriting.
b. 1974 / Canada
Full biography and catalogue